Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Bullying...you just never know when it will hit your home!

So we see everyday on the news about how a child has killed themself or shot up a school or even been caught planning vicious attacks against bullies. I always think to my self how in the world can someone stand back and watch that happen. How are the parents gonna live with themselves knowing their child caused another child to take their own life? and then I thank god its never happened to my child....now I pray for his guidance on how to actually deal with it because.....it came to my house!

Brianna has been coming home over the last few weeks with some problems at school and to be honest it was nothing more than the typical 3 is a crowd girl relationships. But who knew that it could escalte!

Story #1 (The names have been changed for privacy issues besides my daughters of course)

Brianna came home from school and told me that her and Tootsie were no longer friends. When I asked her why she responded with "I tried to tell her how I felt and she told me I was lying and I am not sure how I was lying when it was how I felt!" I told her well how did you feel? She said Tootsie and Tulip arent hanging out with me anymore they only hang out together. I got mad and when they asked me what was wrong Tootsie said "Whatever your lyng" How was I lying if it was how I felt? I said "Well if she didnt want to listen to you and you dont want to be friends then dont be friends. (I also knew that it was a "this week" lack of friendship. The next day Tootsie told Brianna she wanted to be friends and Brianna responded with " I DONT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU!" Ahhhhhhh my daughter the snot head...I told her she wasnt being nice and if she was trying to apologize then at that moment Brianna was in the wrong.

Story #2

Tulip doesnt like another girl at school who is also her family member. Brianna was actually really good friends with the family member until this year (I think is because if Tulip which I corrected!!!) Well the family memeber we will call Daisy asked Brianna to play with her at recess. Brianna was worried how Tulip was gonna take this news so she was being secretive about it. When Tulip saw Brianna with Daisy she approached her and said "Wow Bri what a way to be a great friend!" Then at some point in the day Tootsie started talking bad to Brianna and Brianna told her it was none of her buisness that it was between her and Tulip. Tootsie told her that it was her buisness because Tulip was her Best Friend!

That evening Brianna came home and told me what happened and I told her the Tulip wasnt a true friend if she was asking her to choose who she wanted to be friends with and that a true good friend wouldn't ask her to.

Saturday evening Tulip called here asking for Brianna. Thankfully Brianna wasnt here.

Story #3 The issue....

I picked Brianna up from school yesterday and she informed me that she had to go to the councelor. I asked her why and she said someone wrote bad stuff about her on the wall in the bathroom. I asked her what was written she repied: Brianna last name is a bitch, Brianna and Daisy are 2 faced bitches, Brianna and Daisy are Lesbians. Then right under the was Tootsie is a Bitch. I asked her how she found out and she told me that all the kids in her class were going to the bathroom and coming back and whispering and looking at her then she heard them say her name and written so she asked if she could go to the bathroom. She discovered it! Can you imagine how my 5th grader felt at that very moment. Put yourself in her shoes...My heart is breaking!!

After hearing this I asked her who she thought did it. She said I think Tootsie did it. I told her I didnt think Tootsie had done it. My mommy intution SCREAMED Tulip because of the Daisy references. She said well Tootsie and I had to sit with the councelor and she asked me if I had written on the wall Tootsie is a bitch and I told her NO My mother raised me better than that! (This made my heart smile a little it was still breaking but slighly smiling) So I called Tootsies mom and told her what happened and she was just as upset as I was. I told her that I didnt for one second think it was tootsie who had written but I had a feeling I knew and asked of she could question tootsie because I also knew someone knew who did it and I knew tootsie would if Tulip had done it. Next thing i know Tootsies mom was calling me back and asked if she could come over she had something she wanted Brianna to hear for herself!

Tootsie and her mom arrived and we sat the girls down at the table and we mediated and let them talk. Tootsie told Brianna the she was at Tulips house on saturday night and Tulip was writing on a piece of paper about how she was going to write on the wall in the bathroom at school. She even went to the extreme of saying she would make it look like someone elses handwritting. She showed it to her sister who said she couldnt tell what girl wrote what! THIS SHIT WAS PLANNED!!!! THIS MAKES ME SICK! Well Tootsies mom reamed her out for not telling what Tulip was doing but also told her she understood why whick was for fear of retaliation and Tulip was her friend. We asked her like what kind of retaliation was she talking about her name on the wall?? She said no like what she did to Brianna and her bruise! at this point I looked at Brianna and said WHAT BRUISE!!! She lifted her arm and she had a bruise on her forearm!!! NOW THIS SHIT IS PHYSICAL!!! I looked at Brianna and said "WHAT HAPPENED!!!" Tootsie said that Tulip shoved her meaning Tootsie into Brianna and Brianna hit her arm! Now I am beyond pissed! My child was slandered and physically harmed! I have a almost straight A (one B in music because she is terrible at the recorder) and I am sending her to school for what...be harmed!!!

Well Tootsies mom met me at the school today and we met with the principal and we will have to wait and see how it plays out but the principal said she would call me and it would ne handled....Here is how I think it should be handled...0 Tolereance for bullying= supension from school. If I shoved my daughter and caused her a bruise I would go to jail.....this little girl needs a reality check!

But on a good night I spent some time cuddling with my girl last night filling her in on my bullying issues when I was in school and I told her how I felt and how she could come to me with ANYTHING!! Then told her you know how you feel better when your sad.....RETAIL THERAPY! Im taking my baby out for some shopping and ice cream this weekend!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The new rule.........Hug it out!

Well I am trying out something new in the Super Mom house......


Well that's not new but I have a new approach. I have raised my kids like I have said in a previous post to not hit each other. I hate seeing siblings beating the crap out of each other with the parents saying "they are siblings its what they do" Well did you know that if your child goes to school or a doctor or anyone and tells them that they are being abused at home..even though it is the sibling...abuse is abuse is abuse whether it is at the hands of a parent or sibling. Social Services can be involved and who wants that? That is my public service announcement. Now back to my story.

I am working on this whole new scream free parenting stuff....its not going as good as I wanted but my kids are getting hostile in the yelling at each other way. That to me is disrespectful. I always tell the kids to speak to each other with respect and understanding. HA this is not happening. Well 2 days ago I was downstairs getting all the kids ready for school. I hear yelling so I tune in to my super sonic super mom ears and listen....



Shay: NO I DIDN'T BRI (now starting to get that whining voice (which I hate) ) STOP SAYING THAT!!!!

In the meantime...I'm creeping up the steps.

Bri: Next time I'm gonna spit on your arm to see how you like it (Do unto others..just backfired)

Supermom: What is going on up here? Why are you to yelling at each other?

Bri and Shay: She No I didn't spit on my I swear I didn't arm and she is blaming me and I YES YOU DID I didn't spit on her,,,YES YOU DID....



Bri and Shay: Embracing (painfully I might add)

Supermom: I tell you guys all the time about yelling at each other. Its not nice and how does it make you feel (girls are still hugging)

Bri: She made me......(I put up my hand)

Supermom: You didn't answer my question..

Bri: sad

Shay: sad

Supermom: Right do you like when I yell at you?

Bri and Shay: NO

(Girls are still hugging)

Supermom: Now how could you have handled it better.

Bri: I don't know not yelled at her.

Supermom: Right. Did she spit on your arm on purpose?

Bri: No

Supermom: Shay did you?

Shay: No but I....(hand up again)

Supermom: I didn't ask for a but I asked you if you did it on purpose?

Shay: no

Supermom: Bri when Shay spit on your arm where you reaching across the sink? If Shay was brushing her teeth why would you reach across the sink because you know she has to spit. I don't think she waited to spit on you. Now Shay when Bri told you that you spit on her arm which I am sure you did (Shay: BUT..... hand up again) Let me finish Shay. I am sure it was by accident the nicer response would have been...I'm sorry Bri I didn't mean to here rinse your arm off. Not NO I DIDN'T!!!! The toothpaste spit doesn't fall from the ceiling. Bri next time don't yell at your sister. Tell her that she accidental spit on your arm. Don't get all high in mighty its a little bit of spit its not like she hocked a logy in your face.

(Girls are still hugging)

Supermom: How would you feel if you left here and the bus was in a accident and one of you was harmed really bad or fatally (God forbid) and the last thing you said to your sister was mean and nasty and not really called for..

Bri and Shay: Really sad.

Supermom: Right....now what is a better way to handle this.

Bri: I'm sorry Shay I didn't mean to yell at you. It was a accident and I will be better at telling you next time I love you.

Shay: I'm sorry I spit on your arm it was a accident. I am sorry I yelled at you I love you to.

Supermom: Now hug like you mean it and lets get ready for school!

The fight: WIN

5 minutes later


Scream Free Parenting.....EPIC FAIL! Will keep trying but its not looking good!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Were not in Kansas anymore...Lexi's story

Some time last year I recieved a phone call from one of the teachers from my daughters school. She was inquiring about daycare and for a minute I thought to myself "I didnt think she had any children?". As she was telling me her needs I asked her when she was going to need this care for the child. She relpied "I have no idea yet we are waiting on the military to decide when she will be coming here. Coming here??? I was confused and then she clarified. Lexi is my high school best friends daughter. They live in Kansas and currently her dad is deployed to Kuwait and her mother has been given orders to report to Texas for training I will be here in Maryland caring for Lexi. We are not sure when she will need care because the military hasnt decided yet when her mom is to report for training they are giving her time to find adequate care of Lexi. I told her that I would take her if I had any openings but I couldnt hold a spot for her if she didnt even have a idea when she was coming or for how long. I guess a part of me thought if its meant to be it will be.

Well all the cards fell into the proper places I had a mom on maternity leave and spots open on the days she needed.I was hesitant at first about taking on this little girl. Although I feel like I have a good amount of patience I was worried about how she would adjust to a strange state and new person she is living with and then a new daycare with another stranger! I consulted with some other daycare providers about what I should look for or worry about or any problems I may have due to fear or anxiety and how I may be able to help her transition. I knew that I would probably have a battle on my hands but I felt prepared! January 10th Alexis "Lexi" walked through my door! She was freshly 2 years old (she turned 2 in September) She was potty trained, could speak full sentences, and was just adorable!!

Lexi walked right into my daycare like it was her daycare all along! She had 2 days (about 2 weeks into coming here) where she was a little clingy to her "Aunt" Jessie but other then that she was fine! I was worried about regression on her potty training, although there was no regression there were a few accidents! Mostly nap time accidents. Lexi loves to color and draw, she loves to dance, the tootie ta is her favorite, she loves to count, her favorite song was itsy bitsy spider oh and ring around the rosies to. She is funny and articulate, VERY mature in her speaking yet still had that 2 yr old...MINE personality LOL. She made me laugh almost everyday. She is sweet and sassy all at the same time and I love that she let me play with her hair almost everyday!

All good things must come to an end I guess because today is her last day. I am sad to see her go. I recieved a bottle of wine from Jessie this morning as a gift for taking care of Lexi and then this afternnon I recieved a Edible Arrangement from Lexi's mom! I have never met her or spoken to her. After reading her card I had to stand there for a moment and think to myself...This mother is giving her life to our country along with her husband who is currently deployed and she has been away from her daughter for a entire month! Being a mom myself I couldnt imagine being away from my child for that long. I also think I was slighlty shocked that she thought of me enough to send me a gift Thanking me for the great care I gave her daughter.

There is a huge part of me that wishes I was getting on the plane with Lexi tomorrow to see that moment when this amazing, adorable little girl walks down the terminal at the airport and sees her Mommy!! The mommy she tells me she misses, the mommy who misses her, the mommy who I am sure is suffering from that horrible I need my child feeling. Can you just imagine the sight that will be....tears of joy I am sure will be streaming in the Kansas airport tomorrow! I am very thankful I got to take care of Lexi while she was here. This was a experience I will never forget!

This is Lexi....

The card...

My gift....although just being a part of this scenario was my gift.....

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Reader...Good, bad happy medium.

So most people know that Brianna is a reader. I have friends that say..Oh my kid reads ALL THE TIME TO! Well I am not quite sure that they read as much as Brianna and it is starting to bother me. She is reading ENTIRE books in one day. I am sure some are reading this thinking "Your complaining why" Well this would be why...

1. She is no longer practicing her cello.
2. On the weekends she wakes up and grabs her book. I will think she is sleeping but she is just sitting in her bed reading.
3. I go upstairs in the evening and she is in her chair...reading.
4. Calling her for something is like screaming for help and never being heard. She gets inside the books and its hard to get her attention.
5. Family conversations are only about the books she is reading.

These are just a few of the current problems. I know its not a big problem per say but I feel like she needs to see the outside world not just her dream world inside a book. So last night at dinner she informs us that she has 230some AR points. AR is short for Accelerated Reader. When the kids read a book they have a chance to test on what they read. Each book is worth a certain amount of points Most being 10 points but the classics like Little Women are 30 or more. Which by the way Brianna will not read. She says its really terrible and slow LOL. She is all into these Warrior cats books right now she read book 3 in one day. She checked it out at the school library and by bed time last night she was done with it.

I called the school today and spoke to the Media teacher about this. She pulled Brianna up in the computer and she informed me that Brianna is currently the HIGHEST student in the school for AR points and that she currently has 248 with the closet kid being at 208. I began to tell her of my concern of her reading all the time and she told me that Brianna has stuck out since 3rd grade and is definitely a HONORS child. This makes me very proud! But I fear when she goes to high school and has to read the Old man in the Sea, Beowulf, Tale of Two Cities, or GOD FORBID Paradise Lost she may not do so hot because Brianna only reads what Brianna wants to read. The Media teacher then informed me that based off of Briannas test she recently had done for reading Brianna along with most of the honors kids at Appeal are reading at 12th grade levels!!! Can you believe that 12th grade?!?!?!?! Just goes to show how awesome the teachers are.

Although most people believe that reading is the best but playing video games are unhealthy here is my question..What is the difference between laying in your bed getting smarter and smarter with your nose in a book or laying in your bed playing video games for hours? Obesity can happen either way but one is stimulating your ability to learn and comprehend and the other is a mindless tool to preoccupy your time. But both are not good for your body. Grrrrrrr this is so frustrating. Its not that I want to stop her from reading I just need to find that happy medium can anyone who reads this blog give me any advice? This is really tough!