Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Sometimes the ache is just to great.

For the last 3 years I have been battling the hole in my heart that I feel is growing to epic proportions. You know the book the never ending story and the nothingness that was over taking the land? Well my nothingness actually has a name its called a baby. Seven years ago directly after the birth of our son Nicholas Brian underwent a vasectomy to ensure that we would not have anymore children. At that time it was the right decision for us to make. I had been diagnosed with a heart condition that makes me high risk for blood clots so birth control on my end was dangerous. Trying the "protection" method was something I really wasn't into to be honest. We really didn't have the money to be spending on those so how could we afford another baby, that left us with one choice...Permanent Sterilization. Looking back now that we are older (at the time I was 25 and Brian was 24) I realize it was the biggest mistake we could ever make but was still the right decision at the time. Does that even make sense?

We are raising our children that in life you make choices so think them through before you make them because the consequence of the action is one you will live with forever. Oh how I am eating my words now. I never realized that ache in my heart for another child would have grown as great as it has. Our youngest is 7 and the oldest almost 12 but the ache is growing more and more each day. Seeing the "Were Pregnant" posts on Facebook or the fresh from the delivery room pictures of those sweet warm little buddies of love breaks me.  I at one point realizing the only way we could get pregnant was through IVF I considered donating my eggs to help with the cost of IVF. I was quickly told by a friend I was selfish and that me having 3 children of my own I should be happy because of the 1000's of women out there who want just one but our childless. I was so unbelievably hurt by that comment how is wanting a child selfish? How is enjoying the tiny toes, the milestone moments, watching a baby take the first steps, then watching them step onto a bus for school selfish?  One woman's want for a child is no greater than another regardless of how many they have or don't have.

Brian and I considered adoption but to be honest the process is long and grueling and in the US they always want the children placed with the birth parents and finding birth parents willing to just let the baby go is alot harder considering those 1000's of women who are childless and to be honest with a lottery system like that my selfishness is none existent. I ccouldn't stand in a room with 1000's of women and have that needle in a haystack birth mother pick me over them to adoptive their baby I would want them to have the child not me. International adoption is to risky and expensive. You can dish out thousands of dollars and have them ask for more and you not receive the child. I know of a friend who went  into another country to adopt and 3 months later was still there waiting on conflicts to be resolved but refused to leave without her child. Unfortunately I don't have that flexibility. In talking with another friend who had a friend that went to Russia and tried to adopt and after spending thousands of dollars on the process they went for the final stay to complete the adoption process and when they went to the court to be appointed the court asked for 10,000 more dollars which they didn't have and they left the country childless...I cant go through that.

Last October while at church talking with some of the ladies who were pregnant I told then how bad I wanted another baby. When I explained the vasectomy and how we didn't have the money to have it reversed one of the ladies spoke up and said a friend of hers knew of a Dr who knew how to get vasectomy reversals done through insurance. I was shocked to hear this news and asked for her to get me some information on this Dr. Well during a girls night out with a few of the same ladies she was able to get me the Dr's name and I called and scheduled an appointment immediately I was relieved and felt excited about this for the first time in a long time all by simply asking...How much is your consultation fee? They responded with 100.00. All the other Dr's I called was 500.00-750.00 just for a consultation! I scheduled the appointment and that will be sometime in January. Here is the kick to the gut I got last night. Brian has been having alot of issues with his shoulder and been in excruciating pain. He finally goes to the Dr they schedule all this stuff and put him on anti inflammatory drugs and then when it all failed to stop his pain the Dr orders him a MRI. Well Brian received a phone call last night that our insurance is denying him the right to a MRI because it doesn't seem necessary?? The man had been in constant pain but a non doctor in a office doesn't feel its necessary. They want him reevaluated and more claims sent in to be determined if its medically necessary. If the insurance company wont pay for a MRI........How will they agree to a surgery to fix a mistake made so long ago? Wall after Wall after windows, no doors, only a open ceiling and a soft floor for me to hit my knees and look to the heavens. In HIS time and HIS way if HE feels I am worthy enough will he make the path to stop my aching either go away or be filled. Oh how my Patience is being tested and to be honest I feel I am failing miserably!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Mommy Common sense! MUST READ!

Sorry its been a while since I blogged but between church, soccer, college, and work I just don't have the time. But, I felt this was important.

As I have worked with children, have children and have friends with children I have come to know most childhood illnesses from hives, lice, allergic reactions, yeast infection diaper rashes to hand foot and mouth, croup, asthma and pneumonia. I am NOT qualified nor do I have a medical degree but what I do have is mommy common sense and the contact with each diagnoses to back it up. I DO NOT Google because well.......who has ever parent googled and been listed with a bunch of nonsense diagnoses that all point to a life threatening diagnoses by WebMD I know I have. Well here is where technology failed me 11 years ago.

11 years ago Brianna was born she was a average baby and for the most part VERY healthy she had one huge problem.....Chronic Ear Infections. I felt like we were in the doctors every other week when one antibiotic ended the other ear would get infected. The cycle was brutal on us as well as her. You know those middle of the night howlings and screaming followed by you as a mother in fetal position PRAYING for 20 minutes of sleep before the howling and screaming began again! Ya I know you know! Well I was 20 years old and I trusted my pediatrician to do right by my child. They do hold a degree and for Gods sake they are DOCTORS! Classic ear infection no problem right....she didnt have a mysterious rash or random fevers of no cause or origin she had ear infections. We also 11 years ago didnt have Facebook or Myspace or Twitter and to be honest I didnt have ANY friends with kids so information came straight from the doctor. Where am I going with the computer stuff this is where....When we post our Facebook status about our children or our day or what we are making for dinner we get feedback from other people. If I had posted "Up all night with Brianna again pretty sure we are on ear infection 13246543216543541" I would have atleast gotten a friend or family member to say....Hey my child had that same problem and had tubes put in their ears you should call Dr so and so they did my kids and BAM no ear infections...Well this never happened for me and this is the result.

We have switched pediatrician since the first whack job let me just give you a antibiotic regardless of the strains of infections that are mutating up immunities to these said antibiotics and mommy will just feel better. Im not a mommy who needs to feel better jack ass a  mommy who wants my child better and will ONLY give those said antibiotics if a BACTERIA or INFECTION is present NOT because you think I need to feel better about pumping my kid full of unnecessary antibiotics!

During those ear infection battles we discovered that Brianna was allergic to Amoxicillan and Ceftasporin antibiotics and she was from then on out given Zitromax. It did work but she lived on it.....and my doctor never suggested tubes in her ears. He also just treated Shailyn for chronic croup, bronchitis, CONSTANT wheezing and hospitalized Strep A bacterial pneumonia with out ever considering it was being caused by weak lungs due to ASTHMA! This same doctor also NEVER diagnosed Nic with his Low Growth Hormone levels that caused him to all of a sudden stop growing at 2 years old....that took me fighting for a referral to Georgetown Hospital Endocrinology after he was 4 years old and STILL in a 2T. That was enough for me to FREAK OUT! We left the practice and since have found a GREAT pediatrician and are very happy with the care we receive! Brianna has had a huge bought with strep throat and he referred us to ENT.  We met with ENT Dr today who said that Brianna was going to definitely need her tonsils out she has pitted tonsils that grab and hold bacteria in the little pockets of those pits and it would just get worse and not get better. While she was talking to us about her history and drug allergies she was looking Brianna over and as she looked in her ears I told her about the chronic ear infections and how she lived on one antibiotic for 2 years of her life and she said.....St Marys pediatrician.....I said YUP, she still looking in Briannas ears....start with a S and end in a TH I said no but close La......feer. She said.....she needed tubes!!!!  I can see the struggle in her ears.....she has some pretty bad scarring on her ear drums due to that struggle!!!!  I must have looked dumbfounded because she sat down and said that doctors don't seem to want to refer kids to specialists to fix the problems. I know I disliked that doctor but now I am FURIOUS! my child has SCARS on her EAR DRUMS due to his lack of concern and his antibiotic pushing self! She then informed me that the pediatricians were treating kids with fluid in their ears with antibiotics this is when that common sense comes into play.....Antibiotics are to treat infections and bacteria NOT fluid in the ears.....fluid need to be drained NOT given a antibiotic for it.

What I am trying to say pretty much is listen if parents had to take a infectious control class before becoming parents they wouldn't be so apt to just take a antibiotic from the doctor and give it to a child based on a VIRUS ANTIBIOTICS DONT CURE VIRUSES. I can honestly say that I threw away 75% of the prescriptions for my kids when the doctor handed them to me after telling me my child had a virus. by the time Brianna is my age she may not have a antibiotic she can take to cure a common sinus infection because her doctor let her live on Zithromax instead of referring to a specialist. If your child had a reoccurring illness over and over and over again see a specialist! Dont wait till your child has permanent damage and you live with the guilt of that. She will need hearing aids long before old age when our hearing starts to go...hers will go quicker because she is so scarred up.  Just use mommy common sense.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

That backfired only slightly!

On Sunday Brianna had a soccer game,  on the way to our church picnic that was before her game Brianna told me she often feels nervous before her games.  I asked her what does she do when she feels nervous she replied "nothing", I laughed and said "What should you do?". She sat there for a minute and then said "Well I guess I could pray?"

Im trying to make sure that my children know that every problem they have in life can be lifted up in prayer and the Lord will help them make since of it. I told Brianna that prayer sounded like a great idea! I told her that most football games, or baseball games are started in the locker rooms with prayer. She looked slightly puzzled by this. She then looks at me and said "Well what do I pray for???"

I had to actually think about that for a minute What do you pray for before a sporting event? So I sat there and then said "Well first Thank God for the blessing of be able to play something you love so much, ask for strength to endure the sport, ask for the wisdom to make good judgement, ask for the knowledge to make good plays, watch over and protect the players of the game to keep them safe and free from injury and most importantly ask God to bless you with encouraging words to say to your teammates as well as your opponets.  She looked at me and smiled and say AWESOME Thanks Mom! That made me smile!

Well  the game was going full force and those girls we fighting each other tooth and nail for the ball. It was a hard game being played by both teams. I starting noticing that the girl on the opposing team #5 was not playing very fair and who was she covering...BRIANNA! I am very vocal on the sidelines (Go figure right) well #5 kept throwing her arm up across Briannas chest when she was trying to go around her to block her...In case you don't know soccer, that is not allowed you can use your whole body or arm at a angle but not straight across the chest...The ref was calling NOTHING! We all love when that happens dont we! I had an INCREDIBLE since of yelling raging inside my body. My insides were screaming to yell "KEEP IT UP #5 IM WATCHING YOU" I walked up and down the sidelines briskly and my heart was racing and I realized...This soccer mom stuff is tough buisness! I prayed for calming...didnt happen LOL. Well forth quarter we were up 1-0 and the opposing team was NOT happy about that. The gloves were coming off at this point. Brianna is a Midfeilder and had already had two oppurtunities to score and either missed the net or didnt pull the trigger and she was down on the other side of the feild opposite of the goal they score into. She was able to get the ball and was running..I MEAN RUNNING! Like Forrest Gump running with the ball dribbling really fast probably the fastest I had ever seen her dribble the ball down field!! Then guess what HERE COMES  #5 with a quick TRIP!!!! I watched my daughter CHEST plant in the middle of the feild!! I mean like CHEST first and her feet flipped up almost touching the back of her head with her arms CRUMPLED under her! My heart stopped! Then she got up and took off down the feild!!! I was astonished! The ref NEVER called the Penalty!

As she kept playing I noticed she was holding her arm and opening and closing her hand and favoring it ALOT. I yelled out CRUSH and when she looked my way I gave her a thumbs up she signaled back WITH THE OTHER ARM and thumbs up. We were nearing the end of the game and her coach switched out the line....never pulling Brianna....She played till the end. As she ran up and down the feild again coming SUPER close to scoring I could see the swelling in her arm. At the end of the game her team won they held them to the 1-0 lead. When she made it to the sidelines  I asked if she was okay she said NO. I looked at her arm and it was swollen I could have sworn it was broke. She was able to move it and she decided she didnt want to go the ER she was fine. I respected her decision and she came home and went to Awana.

Later that night she came to me and said "You know Mom I did what you said and I prayed before the game and asked for Gods protection for my teammates and I got hurt???" Why would he let me get hurt?? My response was "Well was your arm broken?" She replied No I said right Gods gonna let you fall and maybe even scrape your knees alittle but understand one thing....He will always PICK YOU UP! Did you get up? She said Yes, I said right and did you finish your game? she said Well yeah....I said Right! He gave you the protection you asked for and the strenght and the wisdom to make decisions that didnt involve retaliation and that can also fit into encouragement...Think about how your teammates may have felt after they watched you fall HARD onto the ground and even with your arm aching you got up and you CONTINUED your game. That Babygirl was God.....

Monday, September 19, 2011

My ideal marriage...With the help of my Faith.

As much of us are very well aware fairy tales dont exist. The Knight in shining armour is never gonna whisk you up and carry you off into the sunset or to the top of a tower overlooking a gorgeous kingdom. This was a hard concept for me to come to. I always wanted that TV show marriage not King of Queens but the Leave it to Beaver one. I had such a hard life as a child, my parents didnt show me the picture perfect version of a marriage. I set up unrealistic expectations of what a marriage was and then expected my husband to live up to those standards based soley on what I wanted and didn't want from what I saw in my parents marriage. I then realized that the only knight in shining armour to come swoop me up and take to my tower over looking the kingdom was Jesus Christ when he comes back. My happily ever after starts then and only then not while I am here.

Friends around us are divorcing left and right and believe me when I say my marriage has been on the battlefield more than I care to admit and on countless times almost collapsed to a ashy pile of smoky dust at the front lines of that battlefield. I have recently decided to pray about what my marriage was meant to be by Gods standards and not the standards of Disney Princess lives. This is my new standard and what I want in my marriage and what God intended our marriage to be.

1. I will and I want my husband to have patience. Fights occur when patiece is lost....

2. I will not easily anger....see #1 :) I will go to prayer before I speak. Only words to lift my husband not words to discourage him.

3. I will chose to be kind in all things. How I speak, my ACTIONS (equally as important then my words)

4. I will make it a point to kiss my husband when he walks in the door to show him that I missed him while he was gone and how THANKFUL I am the Lord brough him home each and every day!

5. My only addiction......My husband. Good bye facebook.

6. I will pray with my husband and become submissive in the way of religion. I will submit to his leadership in our faith.

7. I want to work as a team together holding hands facing down the darker paths of life with the Light of the Lords Glory shining on us. Through Christ who gives us strentgh those dark paths will be lite through him.

8. I want a relationship full of mutual respect.

9. I want to rely on my husband for help. Teamwork. Always be his equal.

10. Most impotantly I want a marriage filled with all the blessing the Lord has bestowed upon us...with that being said Grace and Forgiveness.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

I think as I am mom I am doing alright!

I got a phone call last week from a organization called Amvets (American Veterans) I think its like purple heart. They collect donations from local residents. They asked if I had any clothing or houseware stuff I would like to donate of course I always have clothes from the kids. I told them I did and looked forward to them coming to get them. When I got off the phone Brianna asked me who I was talking to and I told her it was a organization who collects things to give to needy families. About a hour later she came back and said..."Do they take flip flops?" I said I am sure they do. Well the next day I was busy doing laundry and cleaning up the hallway upstairs when I came across a Old navy bag with some clothes in it. I assumed they were from a over night trip one of the girls had last weekend. I pulled out a hoodie and a pair of pants and flip flops as I looked at them I realized it was Briannas flip flops she had asked about and then I realized she had packed a bag to give to Amvets. I attempted to put the clothes back in the bag when I felt something in the pocket, I reached in and found two folded up pieces of paper. On those papers found this.....

It reads in case you cant see it

Dear reader,
I hope you enjoy this nice jacket and it keeps you cozy, Also I hope this jacket can be of use. I wish you the best of luck with the days to come!

Love, Brianna

P.S. I hope you like this drawing just for you!

And here is the drawing

I stood in shock and then that moment was followed by proud. I am sure no one will ever see this letter but I cant help but to feel like Brianna went to bed with a happy thought that night and I know I went to bed with a feeling of....I may not be perfect, I make mistakes, I often screw up but I am raising some pretty great kids and I am happy with that!

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Just a random act of kindness....if only the whole world joined in.

Saturday was a typical Saturday in the Supermom household. I took the girls to church for the Mother/Daughter breakfast. After I came home and cleaned up some then we rolled out to where else....the soccer field! Shay had a game followed by Nics but there was a hour break between games and I was STARVING! I asked Brian to take me to Subway so I could grab a sub. Nic and I went inside apparently he was hungry to. Well I noticed the man in front of me, he was a older gentlemen. He was ordering his sub....just a sub 6 inch sub to be exact. I took a mental note of the girl taking the order and noticed she seemed flustered. I wasn't sure if it was a "this customer is getting on my nerves" or the "I am the only worker and the line is building" flustered. Then I noticed she was intently looking at the gentlemen who I then noticed had that sound when he talked...that muffled not producing sound just more or less that round about sound..I don't know how to describe it...he was deaf. Now I knew what kind of flustered the sub maker was...with the customer. Well this kind of annoyed me a work with the general public and this gentlemen was deaf. He could not help that he couldn't hear and my bad you have to listen intently when he speaks and take note of where he is pointing! This got under my skin a bit but I just stood there kind of dumbfounded. I was watching this gentlemen trying so hard to communicate with the worker and her frustration was growing and to be honest I wanted to help but I don't know sign language I couldn't help! As I stood there I noticed the gentleman's clothes. They were slightly dirty and looked worn and his shoes had a hole in the toe, his shirt had a few holes...and he looked a little unkept. I couldn't help but wonder what kind of silent world he was living in. After the sub was done and the worker took him to the register he reached deep down in his pocket and started counting the worker was really frustrated and I stood there praying for the right way to handle this....God answered me....

Smile and pay for this gentleman's food.

(worker is standing with that I am annoyed look and the gentlemen counting dimes)

I stood there for a minute trying to process what I was hearing and I heard it louder


This time I heard my actual name....God was SERRRIOUS!

So I looked at Nic standing my the order here sign and said Stay here!

I walked up to register and I smiled at the worker and I said. Here take my card I got his meal.

She looked at me and said Do you know him??

I smiled and said No why do I need to know him to pay for his food?

She laughed and said NO but random strangers don't just pay for random peoples food! I smiled (like God said) and replied...they should! If more people showed more random acts of kindness and humanity towards strangers the world would be a much better place.

Then I lightly touched the gentleman's arm to get his attention...he looked up at me and there was a genuine sincerity in his eyes and I smiled and showed him the receipt and motioned..I got it for you!

He looked shocked and then he smiled and Thanked me.....50 times! He smiled and my heart was warmed. Then he shook my hand and bowed down to me I guess to show me how much he appreciated what I had done. I smiled really BIG and kept saying your welcome enjoy! He walked out turning to me bowing down and trying to say thank you thank you thank you.....

After he left I took my spot in the line and then I noticed the WHOLE demeanor of every witness in Subway had changed! The worker smiled at me and said "You are one special women...I have never seen anyone just pay for a strangers food". I smiled and said.."Well next time you go to a fast food for the car behind you, then go to a sit down restaurant pick a random family and pay for them, God will reward those who serve him and others. Soon you can pay for the groceries to a family in front of you.

The point is, we are all quick to judge and get annoyed or think to much about random acts of kindness. If you hear that voice in your head its God follow him and his sayings I can promise he wont steer you wrong. You never know what the family in front of you at the grocery store went through to get there or to get the money to pay for it. She may have chosen to not pay her car payment because her kids were hungry or maybe they just lost their job and that was all the money they had and are praying for Gods help with the finances you just may be that answered prayer.

The best of this story. Nic said Mommy, Did you buy that mans food? That was very nice of you. Can I buy someone food with my Christmas money? I turned to him and I said Of course you can! We can donate it to the food pantry at church. That way your food could feed a few people in need! I have now started my 6 year old on the right path of kindness!

Friday, May 20, 2011

My husband will fight burglers warned!

Early this morning I rolled over and I remember this and I happened to hit my pillows the right way and I remember saying to myself...This is the MOST comfortable I had ever been and then boom DEEP SLEEP! Ever had one of those? Well not to much longer I was awakened by the sound of my house alarm! Brian has set it off pretty much every morning so I laid there in bed listening for the profanities and the THUD/THUMPS of the mad dash to turn it off......NOTHING......So I opened my eyes to see the light under the bathroom door. Brian was NOT leaving he was in the bathroom..Now the panic pretty much set in! I JUMPED up ran to the panel in my bedroom....all it said was ALARM ZONE 19??? What the heck was zone I listened our alarm talks on the main level. We opted for the talking alarm because my kids are sneaky and it shouts what has been opened. Example : BEEP BEEP BEEP...Fault Basement Door open.....I catch a kid sneaking outside through the basement! So anyway back to panic mode.....I then crept over to the bedroom door and I heard....(This scared the HELL out of me) ALARM DO DO DO DO Dining room WINDOW!!! What the......window......window....WINDOW!!! Someone is trying to break in....who comes in a window??? So now I haven't even called to Brian he is still in the bathroom....I start to sneak down the steps to get a view of the dining room windows. I didn't have to creep far to see them, so I look and NOTHING...its not opened, the screens are intact and not removed or ripped. So I calm down and then I turned, MIND YOU I am about 3 steps down, I turn to return to bed and let ADT know we are not being burglarized and I turn righ smack into.....MY HUSBAND MANHOOD! Of course I JUMPED Brian had apparently heard the alarm while attempting to get in the shower and came out behind me NAKED! I yelled at him..BRIAN YOUR NAKED!! He said I know but do you think if someone is breaking in my house I am worried about my clothes! I said well I bet they will....He said perfect way to scare them off...This still confuses me....So Thank you ADT for showing me that my husband will fight burglers either clothed or naked.....and Thank you for apparently going off for NO REASON and disturbing my Steller drooling on my pillow sleep...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Mary mother of God: The original Supermom!

So my husband is gone (for work for a month been 2 weeks already) and I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed but have been finding moments of solitude and profound statements in the best place ever.....MY BIBLE! Who'd a thunk it right? :) Well upon reading Mark (my husband is a new bible reader YAY and he is reading it so I want to be on the up and up when he asks questions or forms a discussion) and in this book is some of the stories of Jesus during his time of human form here in earth. For those who aren't aware of his healing, and dealings, and miraculous it its awesome ;) Well it sparked a conversation between my soul sister Sarah and I she being a fellow Christian whom I can go to with anything and she can find it usually instantly, sometimes it takes a little work but together we figure it out. I made the statement that how awesome it would have been to be alive in those times to see Jesus work in lives of people face to face or to see his footstep on the ground or to just be in the presence of him. We see him work in his spirit form and by our faith in him but I would have LOVED to see him work in the ways I have read. Well as that conversation progressed (about 2 hours of time) we moved from there and we were talking about Herod because I was seeing his name alot and then we proceeded to talk of his antics and his plot to massacre all baby boys under the Age of 2. Well this started a deeper mommy message about Mary herself.

Mary, the mother of the Son of God. That name carries such a deep meaning. Here is this young mother who gives birth to a baby boy not just any baby boy but the Son of God!! Then shortly after his birth Mary was informed that she had to flee Bethlehem with the baby to escape the King (Hebron) who ordered the death of all baby boys under the age of two! Put yourself in Mary's shoes as a mother...we all protect our children and would lay our lives down for them but she is the mother of the Messiah.
Mary fled the town and took the baby to Isreal where he would be safe. The protector of the Messiah is what she is in my definition...Supermom! Could you imagine the fear and anxiety and the mental anguish she must have felt. Her babies life was in danger! Ultimately his life was always in danger...not exactly danger but it was prophesied of what would become of him. Mary the devoted mother was with her son through all his suffering. women lose children due to other circumstance but usually not at any control of her own anyway BUT mary gave birth to a child and raised him knowing what would happen to him. How can you enjoy the time you have with your child knowing around the tender age of 33 years you would watch him be sacraficed for us. GRANTED, he did this for us and to carry the weight of all sins of the hman world and again ultimately to set us free but still being a mother I cant help but weep for her as well as him.

When Jesus was arrested and taken into custody and sentenced to the flogging and the torture where was Mary? I will tell you....with her son! She stayed with the crowds of people and she watched her son bear the most unbearable of all things. I know when B corrects our children I sometimes get that momma lion instinct and I want to step in. Place yourself in her shoes again....Could you as a mother watch what he went through on one of your own children? She walked along side him as he carried his cross all while still being beaten and harrased and mocked and she went to the top of that mountain and then again was there and watched as her son was crucified!! I cant help but feel very torn by her decision to watch what was done. I have trouble watching my children get vaccinations I could not even bear the thought of enduring the things that she did. I do have one thing to say about Jesus in this time in all his anguish and pain he thought of his mother and as he saw her during the crucifiction he made time for her and cared enough for her to appoint a disciple to care for her~~

John 19:26-27 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman,here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

I guess where I am going with this is I will never so much as dare to complain about motherhood or the trails and tribulatons of having a child when I will never experience and have to deal with what Mary did. I will always reflect on what she experienced and use it as my own life lesson. As you enjoy the presence of your children this Sunday Mothers day take to time to reflect and pray for what it could have been.

Friday, April 22, 2011

I love how literal kids are!

SCENE: Lining up with the bags full of eggs all the daycare kids found on the Easter egg hunt.

SM: Everyone line up so Ms. Supermom can take a picture!

SM: Okay dont hold the bags in front of you face....put them on your belly button.

DV:(2yr old in my daycare) ***Lifting up his shirt.....and puts the bag on his belly button.


Happy Easter folks!!!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

WINNING! Never had a doubt I wouldn't be!

Just to start this off I wanted to say this not yelling thing is totally Rocking the Supermom house! Our attitudes are better and everyone is getting along and the over all atmosphere.....FABULOUS! I cant say enough how this is such a POSITIVE thing for us. Funny the kids are testing my patience level but I think by the shear strength in God....I'm doing this and doing this succesfully!

Test #1

Sunday night was night 2 of the no yelling. B and I talked to the kids and explained the new rules. At the time they asked what the punishment would be I said I am not sure yet guess we will figure it out. We discussed how much better it would be if we didn't yell and they agreed that mommy and daddy yelling at them or at each other is not how they want to live. To be honest neither do I. Well that night Brianna I guess just forgot or was testing the theory. I was cleaning the floors and both girls were outside cleaning the guinea pig cage out together. Well I just happened by the window when I saw the look of aggravation on Briannas face and I could see her mouth and her body language and then I heard it.......her raised voice. In normal circumstances I would have walked outside and yelled at Brianna. Instead I walked out side and I just looked at her and I calmly said....What did you just do wrong? Brianna immediately looked down at the ground and said....I just disrespected my sister. I said yup (and this is where my praying came into play because this doesnt even sound like me) "For every act of disrepect you need to repay with a act of kindness".......Go clean your sisters room. She was not to happy about this. My middle tornando daughter has horder tendancies....and Brianna...OCD...The room looked WORSE when Brianna got in there....But 3 hours later when she surfaced with a bag of trash and dust pan of stuff she swept up....She said...I dont think I will ever yell at her again....her room is to much of a mess!




Last night was a crazy night B was at the Hockey game and I had the kids and we were rushing as always..Shay had soccer 6-7 and we have church play rehearsal from 7-well last night was late! 10:30ish when I got home. Anyway, after I dropped Shay off at practice I ran to Burger King for the Bag O Obesity but I didnt have time to cook with the daycare closing not till 5. When we got back to the soccer feild it was 6:45 and there was only 15 minutes left and I needed to get something from the coaches wife. I asked Brianna and Nic to stay in the car and eat because we had to book it to church play starts at 7 soccer ends at see where I am going with this.
Well I got what I needed and turned around and there was Brianna running down the feild with her soccer ball....Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. She DELIBERATLY DISOBEYED ME! I was none to happy! Again the Grace of God and his need to help us when we need him and everytime I pray I ask for help with this challenge. I sat back and watched her enjoy her last few minutes of Freedom. When practice was over and was I rushing to get everyone strapped in I looked at Brianna and said WOW! She looked at me like...OH CRAP! I said in my normal talking voice....

SM: What did I ask you to do?
Bri: Stay in the car.
SM: What did you do?
Bri: I got out of the car.
SM: is that what I asked you to do?
Bri: No, but I didnt want to sit in the car!
SM: But I asked you to stay in the car so we wouldnt be to late and now I have to wait for you, Shay and Nic to strap in....and your in Act 1 the FIRST better hope we dont get there and you miss your scene. PLUS you DELIBERATLY disobeyed me and that my friend gets you punished.

After sitting in church and thinking about it...I told her her punishment is her chores and then some! That is she wanted to spend the night with her best friend then she needed to pay me back for the disrepect. Well this morning she brought me this so I guess she know she did wrong and prepared for what she is to do to fix it.

Dont you LOVE the sad face! Oh and dont judge me on my feather pen! So what should i put on this list and should I stop at 5???? :)



Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Runaway dog, peeing in a bottle, thats how I roll!

So last night I had to get 2 of my dogs over to a Rabies Clinic. We had a schedule conflict with soccer of course so I had to do this by myself, well with help from Shay and Nic, so by myself! I put the muzzle on Roscoe cause he is a nasty little devil to strangers and put the leash on Zoe. We arrive and the line is out the door I thought it started at 5 apparently it wasnt till 6 but no big I let Shay and Nic sit in the car with Roscoe. Nic unstraps and opens the sun roof and decided to stand out of it and yell HA HA MOM LOOK AT ME! I calmly walk over and tell him if I catch him doing it again I will personally tie him to his booster seat. Zoe the barkaholic proved even more how much I hate the sound of a dog barking by being a balistic little brat! They finally start the registration process. I walk in get out my old paperwork and get the new and get in line and guess what...the vet is late. Well now I am worried about Nic, Shay and Roscoe in the car and decide to make a brave yet stupid decision that I can manage 2 kids and 2 dogs all by myself...I mean I am Supermom and all this is a piece of cake! HA!!...Wrong!

Nic and Shay come inside the building and I am holding Roscoe and my purse and Zoe's leash. I looked at Shay and said do you think you can help my by holding Zoe? She said yeah and I handed her the leash. I watched closely as Zoe kinda barked and walked in circles for a minute and I watched her bratty little eyes comptemplate her escape. The second I looked away at Nic Zoe succesfully completed her escape when I turned back around to look at her she had wrapped the leash around Shays body...As I said NO NO NO Shay get the leash from around you it happened...the flippin dog pulled her head out of the collar with the help of Shays body as tension and like a bolt of lightning she was GONE! Nic starts SCREAMING AND CRYING ZOE NO ZOE NO ZOOOOOOOOEEEE!!!!!! MOMMY ZOOOOOOEEEEEE!!! Well as Zoe bolts out the door all the dogs ahead of us in line start barking and jumping the owners are annoyed and I am just standing there with the look of REALLY??? Zoe out the door, Nic screaming behind her, and right behind Nic...Shay! So now I guess I have to go chase the dog. So as I got closer to Shay and Nic I said STOP CHASING HER! I grabbed the keys from Shay and opened the doors on the van and yelled Come on Zoe Girl Lets go for a Ride and she ran over and jumped in the van! Mission Completion! Operation save Zoe was complete! Now to calm down Nic who was still crying and upset!

I tighten up the collar on Zoe. If she wants to escape she needs to snap her head off! We come back inside to all the people who were pointing and whispering, well atleast thats what I felt like they were doing and took my place back in line. As we stood in line Nic announces really LOUD "Mommy I need to Pee" I looked around and said sorry dude you have to wait there is nowhere for you to go! He then loudly announces well there is a bottle in the car I can go pee in that! My now being labeled as the women with the runaway trouble maker dog and the mom who allows her kid to pee in a bottle! But you now the beauty of a boy is it fits in the bottle and there is no mess! So I just as loud so NO Nic you cant go pee in the bottle I told you not to drink an entire soda driving here your gonna have to hold it. Shay then announces loudly..He is his fathers son! I said no he isnt Shay what are you taling about! She relpies "Daddy pees in bottles" I looked at her like I was gonna kill her and I said NO HE DOESNT SHAY??? She said uh huh thats what Grandma said! Yup were are the crazy family! Judgements were flying past my head at rapid speeds and looks of disgust we right behind them! Now Im just like give my dog the shot so I can BOLT from this place!

Shot are done and we are out! I start driving with my anxiety flaring and I totally forget that Nic has to pee!I call my friend Sarah to share in my excitement of the evening and porr Nic. Well he is now bouncing and holding himself as I drive so I pull into Wawa...This insanity is beyond my control I have the dogs in the car and I cant go inside for fear they will escape....

I tell Nic he can pee in the bottle. He looks for the bottle as he pulls down his pants, he cant find the bottle. I say Shay stay in the car with the dogs Nic come on lets go inside he cries i cant hold it mom!!! Nic pulls up his pants and Shay jumps up from the back...FOUND THE BOTTLE....(OMG!!!! REALLY) Nic pulls back down his pants and grabs the bottle...poor guy peed so much he half way filled it. Well I thought he was done apparently he wasnt. I removed the bottle and he peed on my hand and he laughed well can you figure what happens when a little boy is peeing AND laughing yes it squirted me and my seat and the floor! Im trying to contain myself from yelling and squealed in disgust but managed to get the bottle back on his weenis! He laughed hysterically! I found it not so funny! Well Iget out of the car after this ordeal is done and I hear Shay yelling at the dogs to stop licking up Nics pee...I grad the paper towel for the wind sheild and proceed to clean off my hand (my van door is broken when I sit in the drivers seat the back door opens) I sit in the seat and the door opens and Roscoe jumps out AT WAWA in St Marys I scream ROSCOE NO! I jump out and Shay grabs Zoe and I managed to snag a back leg of Roscoe's and catch him. I get the dog back in the car and start to pump my gas...DID I MENTION SARAH was still ON THE PHONE...who was actually not breathing from laughing at all the commotion on my end. Im glad my friends find the humor in a bad situation....Once I arrived home with both kids and both dogs...I left to get a pedicure....I needed it.

Monday, April 11, 2011

ScreamFree Parenting-Challenge.

I think this book just might change my life. While Brian and I were in marriage counseling our counselor had admitted to us that she was reading this book and was thinking about starting a group for parents who wanted to try this approach to parenting. We told her to put us on her list for the group but I am guessing it hasn't reached that level yet. Well I am not waiting because some things need to change in my house.

One persons mood can change the whole atmosphere of your entire house and the mood of everyone in it. I am GUILTY as charged of this particular bad habit. Brian will come home in a great mood and he walks into the house and I am yelling at the kids and frustrated and just nasty! It may have been because my kids had plucked a string or my daycare kids plucked all my strings and broke them. (Daycare isn't always fun and games it can be very challenging!) Well then he gets in a tuffie....Then I get even more in a tiffie and then the kids start fighting its a CHAIN REACTION! Kids learn what they live is so true. They live in hostility they grow hostile. Or think about your kids who wake up grumpy and irritated. you try to talk to them and they are rude and nasty, you get angry with them and then your mood is ruined and then I get nasty with the hubby and he gets angry....HOSTILE! grrrrrrrrr

Quoting the book "Your number one leadership roll in the family is that of a calming authority." I am suppose to achieve this by first calming my self down, and grow myself up, and change how I parent. This is going to be very difficult, but not impossible. I have prayed about this (along with me filthy mouth!) for Gods help. I'm gonna need his strength and love to guide me on this one. Parenting is NOT about children, its about parents. "Screaming" is not going to show me how to destroy my relationships butshow me how to not do it and start forming a revolutionary relationship with each of my children and my husband. Did you know that just by changing how YOU parent can change the whole dynamic of your family! Being less reactive in a anxiety situation can make for a easier transition to discipline. Example:

This morning while getting ready for work I heard a series of Thuds and bangs and then the sound of Brianna letting out this OH crap cry. I ran down the steps with my heart RACING!! I knew it involved my steps and my child but also possibly my guinea pigs because I heard the bell ringing that's on the cage. The way Brianna was crying freaked me out and heard her mummer daycare floor. As I rounded the corner in my bathrobe I found Brianna on the landing where the steps curve to go down to the daycare and she was SOBBING and trembling...I jumped down the steps and quickly hugged her "DID YOU FALL DOWN THE STEPS ARE YOU OKAY" I said to her! She was trembling obviously shaken up...HORRIBLY! She said "NO I tripped with the guinea pigs trying to take them down the steps to the daycare and I knocked over the big thing of water and it FELLLLLLLLL I busted a HOLE in the WALL and water is EVERYWHERE on the Daycare floor!!!!!" In a normal circumstance I think,actually I know I would have yelled and said probably (I'm being totally honest here) HOW COULD YOU BE SO CLUMSY NEXT TIME ASK FOR HELP!!! WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CARRY THE CAGE DOWNSTAIRS OR BETTER YET WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT LAST NIGHT!!!!, (I'm an asshole parent trying to not be) Instead, I calmly hugged her and told her Thank God it wasn't you or the guinea pigs if you had fallen you could have broken a bone or if it was the guinea pigs it could have killed them! I am so very thankful that you are okay and this was a accident!Take a deep breath and calm down. Go get ready for school and I will clean this up but your okay and THIS IS FINE!

I felt like I needed to reassure her that it was OK. What got me was the reaction. Her trembling I think was her fear that she was gonna get "SCREAMED" at. Now I feel like a real asshole! I went upstairs to get dressed I am pretty sure my daycare parents didn't want to see me in a robe! I called Brian and then I told him how horrible I felt that Brianna had a reaction and how I think my YELLING scarred my children. I am more now than EVER trying to change this. Even after the drama of the morning the rest of the morning was good. Brianna's face of "How did mom not yell at me" stayed on her face all morning! I think I may have made her day and I think this by itself set my day in motion and I think it will be better family time if we all STOP SCREAMING!!!

I will try to post everyday this week about my progress and what I am learning! If anyone else wants in on the discussions let me know! Get the book and read along. Maybe we can offer advice to each other and help encourage each other. I'm looking forward to this new life and anxious to see how my kids turn out because of it.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Breastfeeding baby doll...Controversial....REALLY??? I say GENIOUS!

So this morning was like any other morning minus my son puking, I always scroll through facebook Im and admitted addict. Well as I scrolled through I came across a status that read..."What is your opinion on the breast milk baby doll that is going to be released soon?" I looked at the comments and immediatly I was discouraged...there was comments like, Disqusting, disturbing, NO WAY, shouldnt happen....REALLY FOLKS. A society that doesnt believe in discipline or actual family time anymore is scared of a doll they dont have to purchase! Before I get any further in this I will admit I HAVE BREASTFEEDING ENVY!!! I wanted to breastfeed my babies SO BAD but for me it was not possible. Good thing I wasn't alive when it was the only choice becuase my babies would have died. I am VERY pro breastfeeding. I think if you can do rock. So why is this doll such a controversy? Why is a society thet says "fuck" as every other word in front of there kids (Guilty but learning to watch my mouth) or smoke and drink (also guilty although almost one year smoke free) so scared of a baby doll....I will post the video at the end so you can comment your thoughts.

I have a TON of breastfeeding parents as friends they have more than one kid and my best friend is one of them. She has 5 kids and breastfed all of them till a year or more. When she had her third child she had a daughter who was about 2-3yrs old. EVERYTIME she breastfed the baby her daughter would grab a doll and shove it up her shirt and say "Look Mommy I can feed my baby to!" So why not have a handy doll to provide her with the same maternal instincts as you? We as Mothers teach our children how to mother, how to nuture, and care for a baby. They sell strollers and diaper bags, and changing tables, and baby dolls that poop and pee why not babies that breastfeed? Children emulate adults and if we provide them with adult style toys anyway BARBIE prime example or the horrid BRAT dolls that have linguire on why not a adult behavior such as breastfeeding! Go to youtube and watch the 100's of videos parents posted of thier children pretending to breastfeed and burp baby dolls. You have a choice to buy it or not....they arent shipping them out to every child in america and for goodness sakes I am pretty sure they will only be available online and if not then what is so wrong here people?? Society need to be more concerned with how these non nurtured children are turning out! not fussing about a baby doll they dont have to give to their child!

I hate to say this is a controversy but it is. Parents are freaking out about this doll and how they dont think its neccesary that they have a doll that "breastfeeds" Well I bet breastfeeding moms dont find it neccesary to have bottle fed baby dolls. I got in a tuffy once before when someone posted on facebook about eating dinner at a resaurant with her 6 year old son and his friend when a women beside them started breastfeeding and then she had to explain that the baby was eating to. Someone commented "They do make bathrooms" and my blood boiled. I commented back and said how about you go eat in a bathroom! REALLY??? I dont even want to use a public bathroom more or less feed my baby in one!! I was appalled! Of course I fired back and the person who posted the status came back and said whoa...she was for breastfeeding just felt it more appropriate for a blanket to be used in a public restaurant. So for all you breastfeeding moms who are reading this...cover your breastfeeding baby up with a blanket so you dont freak out the people who have never seen a baby eat from a breast before it makes them squirmy!! (I am being sarcastic)

So to end this here is the youtube video of the Breastfeeding baby let me know how you feel about it!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The story of my week as told by Natalie Dee...

Sunday-The Invasion of the little virus....

Monday-Oh the pain....The headache began

Tuesday-I blew my nose clean off my face..

Wednesday- The worst day of all Im the background bubble....

Wednesday night- Doctor said its just a virus....take cold meds....OK! COLD MED DRUG COMA? I dont mind if I do!

Thursday-The virus ran from my head to avoid the drugs and straight to my chest...while its there it could atleast make my boobs bigger but no such luck! Here is a copy of my xray...pretty accurate!

Friday- The End....

Monday, March 7, 2011

7 times 70 breaking the silence.

So we have been learning alot about "Forgiveness" in church and I really needed to hear what was being spoken. My daughter had been bullied, the family did nothing about it, I was angry and hurt and upset for my daughter. I called my Pastor, talked to my other Christan friends and even looked into some things myself. Forgiveness does not come easy to me because I have been wronged practically since birth. I am working on a new pathway in my life and the slowing of my mouth has been one of them...DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ENERGY THAT TAKES! I remember while doing the "Love Dare" with my husband while we were "Fireproofing" our marriage the first chapter was about spending an entire day not speaking negatively to your partner. That was the hardest chapter for me.

Here is where I am getting a little deep I grew up in a pretty hostile enviroment. My dad was a non funtioning alcoholic and because of this addiction he lost his life at 46. I watched my father die from cirossis of the liver and it was by far the hardest Trial I ever had to endure. My family was falling apart and I was working and taking care of my dad every chance I could get. I slept between two hospital chairs got up and drove an hour to work only to come back to the hospital that night. It sparked a fight between B and I not because he was not being supportive but because he felt like I shouldnt have given my dad the time and attention I was because I never got that from him. I remember it as if it were yesterday he said to me as I was rushing off...."I dont understand how you can care for a man who has hurt you in the ways that man has" I replied..."because he is my dad whether or not he deserves it its what I need to do FOR ME!" I dont talk about what happpened in my house when I was a child alot because of what "other family members might think". I was silenced to the major abuse (except to a cousin we made a pact and swore to never tell for fear of us never being able to see each other again) I loved my grandmother and most of my family and I knew with out a doubt my mother would have ensured that I NEVER saw any of them again. When I talked to her about this a few months ago when I slowly opened up to her about what had happened she told me exactly what I feared "You would have never seen that family again"

During high school was the roughest of all my dad was slipping further and further into his bottle and the abuse was getting worse. I would watch him literally SHOVE my brother from one end of the room to the other and threaten to beat him within a inch of his life..only to turn around and tell my step mom that he NEVER touched THAT boy he tripped over his own two feet! I sat quietly because to be was a survival tactic. My father would accuse me of doing drugs and for having sex and I was often told I was "Nothing more but a whore JUST LIKE MY MOTHER!" One day I came home from school and he was drunk and angry I knew something bad was gonna happen. He told me to go in the kitchen and clean up his dishes before my step mom got home he didnt want her to know he did nothing all day (Little did she know I did that everyday including making the bed) Well apparently I wasnt working fast enough and he grabbed my arms and screamed at me "YOU LITTLE FUCKING BITCH ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME IN A FIGHT WITH STEPMOM TONIGHT YOUR SO FUCKING WORTHLESS!!" and with a shove I hit the fridge and if anyone reading this was ever in my house then you would know that our fridge was covered in magnets 3 dimensional ones and some flat but mainly big bulky ones. I had dark bruises all over my back for weeks it seemed. I remember being at cheerleading and one of the girls smacked my back to get my attention and I almost screamed out in agony. Only one friend ever witnessed my dad ever hit me...Poor Letha..we were having dinner and I HATE Brussel Sprout well the rule in our house was you have to eat EVERYTHING on your plate. I was 16 years old and I am pretty sure I didnt like them well my dad wouldnt have that and when I "Backed talked" by saying "But i dont like them" He SLAPPED me so hard I started crying and Letha sat in a stunned silence...after my dad walked away Letha QUICKLY ate them for me even though she didnt like them either (Taking time to pray...Thank you God for the friends you have brought into my life during such horrible circumstances they made me strong and got me through).

Finally, 2 months before graduation I had had ENOUGH and I was DONE. I wanted out of that house SO bad that if he killed me I would be free of him. He started with the Whore talk and the useless talk and the your such a little bitch talk and I finally lashed back and I screamed Your are NOT my father your are a piece of crap...Word to the wise..Drunks are not fun to toy with...He turned around and got up in my face and I yelled "IF YOUR GONNA HIT ME THEM HIT ME!!!! and he did! I fell to the ground and I stood back up and yelled HIT ME AGAIN...and he did and I fell again and as I rose to the third time I remember praying "GOD PLEASE LET HIM KILL ME WITH THIS NEXT BLOW!! Please take me from this nightmare and bring me home to you!" and as I yelled HIT ME AGAIN my angel stepmom who grabbed him and said TOM STOP!!! What are you doing he then grabbed my "Charger" my school mascot and prized possesion that my grandmother gave me and he threw it against the wall and shattered it along with what was left of me. I left that house that night to live with my Aunt who allowed me to live with her till I graduated. Then I moved back to live with my mom.

My father sent me down a very destuctive path of self destruction. I looked to men for attention I needed from him, I became all the things church had told me not to be. I started drinking, I playing around with drugs but not really I didnt care for drugs I would have rather had the alcohol, I smoked I NEVER prayed I turned my back to the church because what had God done for me? Then came the boys....boy after boy after boy till my eyes were opened to a boy who was NOT my type and he saved me. I married that boy and he LOVES me knowing ALL MY FLAWS!

So I guess with you readers knowing this about SOME of my situations others are WAY to painful to type out it was hard enough to admit and say. Im not ready to devulge that information the the world I bet your saying to yourself....yeah B was right HOW COULD YOU take care of such a awful response to you is..."FORGIVENESS" My father was a sick man and I remember before the alcohol stole him tickling me till I almost peed, his snuggling with me on the couch watching Saturday morning cartoons, not matter waht he ALWAYS told me he loved me and most of all its what God wants us to do. One night while sitting beside his hospital bed I prayed and I asked for God to forgive him and for God to help me forgive him. I believe that if my father was not consumed my his sadness, anger, own childhood abuse, and his alcohol to cope that he would have been the best dad and I hold on to that not the anger. While driving home today I heard this song its new by Chris August and I BAWLED my eyes OUT! I think I am still crying as I type this....this is the story of me....

Tuesday, February 15, 2011 just never know when it will hit your home!

So we see everyday on the news about how a child has killed themself or shot up a school or even been caught planning vicious attacks against bullies. I always think to my self how in the world can someone stand back and watch that happen. How are the parents gonna live with themselves knowing their child caused another child to take their own life? and then I thank god its never happened to my I pray for his guidance on how to actually deal with it came to my house!

Brianna has been coming home over the last few weeks with some problems at school and to be honest it was nothing more than the typical 3 is a crowd girl relationships. But who knew that it could escalte!

Story #1 (The names have been changed for privacy issues besides my daughters of course)

Brianna came home from school and told me that her and Tootsie were no longer friends. When I asked her why she responded with "I tried to tell her how I felt and she told me I was lying and I am not sure how I was lying when it was how I felt!" I told her well how did you feel? She said Tootsie and Tulip arent hanging out with me anymore they only hang out together. I got mad and when they asked me what was wrong Tootsie said "Whatever your lyng" How was I lying if it was how I felt? I said "Well if she didnt want to listen to you and you dont want to be friends then dont be friends. (I also knew that it was a "this week" lack of friendship. The next day Tootsie told Brianna she wanted to be friends and Brianna responded with " I DONT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU!" Ahhhhhhh my daughter the snot head...I told her she wasnt being nice and if she was trying to apologize then at that moment Brianna was in the wrong.

Story #2

Tulip doesnt like another girl at school who is also her family member. Brianna was actually really good friends with the family member until this year (I think is because if Tulip which I corrected!!!) Well the family memeber we will call Daisy asked Brianna to play with her at recess. Brianna was worried how Tulip was gonna take this news so she was being secretive about it. When Tulip saw Brianna with Daisy she approached her and said "Wow Bri what a way to be a great friend!" Then at some point in the day Tootsie started talking bad to Brianna and Brianna told her it was none of her buisness that it was between her and Tulip. Tootsie told her that it was her buisness because Tulip was her Best Friend!

That evening Brianna came home and told me what happened and I told her the Tulip wasnt a true friend if she was asking her to choose who she wanted to be friends with and that a true good friend wouldn't ask her to.

Saturday evening Tulip called here asking for Brianna. Thankfully Brianna wasnt here.

Story #3 The issue....

I picked Brianna up from school yesterday and she informed me that she had to go to the councelor. I asked her why and she said someone wrote bad stuff about her on the wall in the bathroom. I asked her what was written she repied: Brianna last name is a bitch, Brianna and Daisy are 2 faced bitches, Brianna and Daisy are Lesbians. Then right under the was Tootsie is a Bitch. I asked her how she found out and she told me that all the kids in her class were going to the bathroom and coming back and whispering and looking at her then she heard them say her name and written so she asked if she could go to the bathroom. She discovered it! Can you imagine how my 5th grader felt at that very moment. Put yourself in her shoes...My heart is breaking!!

After hearing this I asked her who she thought did it. She said I think Tootsie did it. I told her I didnt think Tootsie had done it. My mommy intution SCREAMED Tulip because of the Daisy references. She said well Tootsie and I had to sit with the councelor and she asked me if I had written on the wall Tootsie is a bitch and I told her NO My mother raised me better than that! (This made my heart smile a little it was still breaking but slighly smiling) So I called Tootsies mom and told her what happened and she was just as upset as I was. I told her that I didnt for one second think it was tootsie who had written but I had a feeling I knew and asked of she could question tootsie because I also knew someone knew who did it and I knew tootsie would if Tulip had done it. Next thing i know Tootsies mom was calling me back and asked if she could come over she had something she wanted Brianna to hear for herself!

Tootsie and her mom arrived and we sat the girls down at the table and we mediated and let them talk. Tootsie told Brianna the she was at Tulips house on saturday night and Tulip was writing on a piece of paper about how she was going to write on the wall in the bathroom at school. She even went to the extreme of saying she would make it look like someone elses handwritting. She showed it to her sister who said she couldnt tell what girl wrote what! THIS SHIT WAS PLANNED!!!! THIS MAKES ME SICK! Well Tootsies mom reamed her out for not telling what Tulip was doing but also told her she understood why whick was for fear of retaliation and Tulip was her friend. We asked her like what kind of retaliation was she talking about her name on the wall?? She said no like what she did to Brianna and her bruise! at this point I looked at Brianna and said WHAT BRUISE!!! She lifted her arm and she had a bruise on her forearm!!! NOW THIS SHIT IS PHYSICAL!!! I looked at Brianna and said "WHAT HAPPENED!!!" Tootsie said that Tulip shoved her meaning Tootsie into Brianna and Brianna hit her arm! Now I am beyond pissed! My child was slandered and physically harmed! I have a almost straight A (one B in music because she is terrible at the recorder) and I am sending her to school for harmed!!!

Well Tootsies mom met me at the school today and we met with the principal and we will have to wait and see how it plays out but the principal said she would call me and it would ne handled....Here is how I think it should be handled...0 Tolereance for bullying= supension from school. If I shoved my daughter and caused her a bruise I would go to jail.....this little girl needs a reality check!

But on a good night I spent some time cuddling with my girl last night filling her in on my bullying issues when I was in school and I told her how I felt and how she could come to me with ANYTHING!! Then told her you know how you feel better when your sad.....RETAIL THERAPY! Im taking my baby out for some shopping and ice cream this weekend!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The new rule.........Hug it out!

Well I am trying out something new in the Super Mom house......


Well that's not new but I have a new approach. I have raised my kids like I have said in a previous post to not hit each other. I hate seeing siblings beating the crap out of each other with the parents saying "they are siblings its what they do" Well did you know that if your child goes to school or a doctor or anyone and tells them that they are being abused at home..even though it is the sibling...abuse is abuse is abuse whether it is at the hands of a parent or sibling. Social Services can be involved and who wants that? That is my public service announcement. Now back to my story.

I am working on this whole new scream free parenting stuff....its not going as good as I wanted but my kids are getting hostile in the yelling at each other way. That to me is disrespectful. I always tell the kids to speak to each other with respect and understanding. HA this is not happening. Well 2 days ago I was downstairs getting all the kids ready for school. I hear yelling so I tune in to my super sonic super mom ears and listen....



Shay: NO I DIDN'T BRI (now starting to get that whining voice (which I hate) ) STOP SAYING THAT!!!!

In the meantime...I'm creeping up the steps.

Bri: Next time I'm gonna spit on your arm to see how you like it (Do unto others..just backfired)

Supermom: What is going on up here? Why are you to yelling at each other?

Bri and Shay: She No I didn't spit on my I swear I didn't arm and she is blaming me and I YES YOU DID I didn't spit on her,,,YES YOU DID....



Bri and Shay: Embracing (painfully I might add)

Supermom: I tell you guys all the time about yelling at each other. Its not nice and how does it make you feel (girls are still hugging)

Bri: She made me......(I put up my hand)

Supermom: You didn't answer my question..

Bri: sad

Shay: sad

Supermom: Right do you like when I yell at you?

Bri and Shay: NO

(Girls are still hugging)

Supermom: Now how could you have handled it better.

Bri: I don't know not yelled at her.

Supermom: Right. Did she spit on your arm on purpose?

Bri: No

Supermom: Shay did you?

Shay: No but I....(hand up again)

Supermom: I didn't ask for a but I asked you if you did it on purpose?

Shay: no

Supermom: Bri when Shay spit on your arm where you reaching across the sink? If Shay was brushing her teeth why would you reach across the sink because you know she has to spit. I don't think she waited to spit on you. Now Shay when Bri told you that you spit on her arm which I am sure you did (Shay: BUT..... hand up again) Let me finish Shay. I am sure it was by accident the nicer response would have been...I'm sorry Bri I didn't mean to here rinse your arm off. Not NO I DIDN'T!!!! The toothpaste spit doesn't fall from the ceiling. Bri next time don't yell at your sister. Tell her that she accidental spit on your arm. Don't get all high in mighty its a little bit of spit its not like she hocked a logy in your face.

(Girls are still hugging)

Supermom: How would you feel if you left here and the bus was in a accident and one of you was harmed really bad or fatally (God forbid) and the last thing you said to your sister was mean and nasty and not really called for..

Bri and Shay: Really sad.

Supermom: what is a better way to handle this.

Bri: I'm sorry Shay I didn't mean to yell at you. It was a accident and I will be better at telling you next time I love you.

Shay: I'm sorry I spit on your arm it was a accident. I am sorry I yelled at you I love you to.

Supermom: Now hug like you mean it and lets get ready for school!

The fight: WIN

5 minutes later


Scream Free Parenting.....EPIC FAIL! Will keep trying but its not looking good!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Were not in Kansas anymore...Lexi's story

Some time last year I recieved a phone call from one of the teachers from my daughters school. She was inquiring about daycare and for a minute I thought to myself "I didnt think she had any children?". As she was telling me her needs I asked her when she was going to need this care for the child. She relpied "I have no idea yet we are waiting on the military to decide when she will be coming here. Coming here??? I was confused and then she clarified. Lexi is my high school best friends daughter. They live in Kansas and currently her dad is deployed to Kuwait and her mother has been given orders to report to Texas for training I will be here in Maryland caring for Lexi. We are not sure when she will need care because the military hasnt decided yet when her mom is to report for training they are giving her time to find adequate care of Lexi. I told her that I would take her if I had any openings but I couldnt hold a spot for her if she didnt even have a idea when she was coming or for how long. I guess a part of me thought if its meant to be it will be.

Well all the cards fell into the proper places I had a mom on maternity leave and spots open on the days she needed.I was hesitant at first about taking on this little girl. Although I feel like I have a good amount of patience I was worried about how she would adjust to a strange state and new person she is living with and then a new daycare with another stranger! I consulted with some other daycare providers about what I should look for or worry about or any problems I may have due to fear or anxiety and how I may be able to help her transition. I knew that I would probably have a battle on my hands but I felt prepared! January 10th Alexis "Lexi" walked through my door! She was freshly 2 years old (she turned 2 in September) She was potty trained, could speak full sentences, and was just adorable!!

Lexi walked right into my daycare like it was her daycare all along! She had 2 days (about 2 weeks into coming here) where she was a little clingy to her "Aunt" Jessie but other then that she was fine! I was worried about regression on her potty training, although there was no regression there were a few accidents! Mostly nap time accidents. Lexi loves to color and draw, she loves to dance, the tootie ta is her favorite, she loves to count, her favorite song was itsy bitsy spider oh and ring around the rosies to. She is funny and articulate, VERY mature in her speaking yet still had that 2 yr old...MINE personality LOL. She made me laugh almost everyday. She is sweet and sassy all at the same time and I love that she let me play with her hair almost everyday!

All good things must come to an end I guess because today is her last day. I am sad to see her go. I recieved a bottle of wine from Jessie this morning as a gift for taking care of Lexi and then this afternnon I recieved a Edible Arrangement from Lexi's mom! I have never met her or spoken to her. After reading her card I had to stand there for a moment and think to myself...This mother is giving her life to our country along with her husband who is currently deployed and she has been away from her daughter for a entire month! Being a mom myself I couldnt imagine being away from my child for that long. I also think I was slighlty shocked that she thought of me enough to send me a gift Thanking me for the great care I gave her daughter.

There is a huge part of me that wishes I was getting on the plane with Lexi tomorrow to see that moment when this amazing, adorable little girl walks down the terminal at the airport and sees her Mommy!! The mommy she tells me she misses, the mommy who misses her, the mommy who I am sure is suffering from that horrible I need my child feeling. Can you just imagine the sight that will be....tears of joy I am sure will be streaming in the Kansas airport tomorrow! I am very thankful I got to take care of Lexi while she was here. This was a experience I will never forget!

This is Lexi....

The card...

My gift....although just being a part of this scenario was my gift.....

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Reader...Good, bad happy medium.

So most people know that Brianna is a reader. I have friends that say..Oh my kid reads ALL THE TIME TO! Well I am not quite sure that they read as much as Brianna and it is starting to bother me. She is reading ENTIRE books in one day. I am sure some are reading this thinking "Your complaining why" Well this would be why...

1. She is no longer practicing her cello.
2. On the weekends she wakes up and grabs her book. I will think she is sleeping but she is just sitting in her bed reading.
3. I go upstairs in the evening and she is in her chair...reading.
4. Calling her for something is like screaming for help and never being heard. She gets inside the books and its hard to get her attention.
5. Family conversations are only about the books she is reading.

These are just a few of the current problems. I know its not a big problem per say but I feel like she needs to see the outside world not just her dream world inside a book. So last night at dinner she informs us that she has 230some AR points. AR is short for Accelerated Reader. When the kids read a book they have a chance to test on what they read. Each book is worth a certain amount of points Most being 10 points but the classics like Little Women are 30 or more. Which by the way Brianna will not read. She says its really terrible and slow LOL. She is all into these Warrior cats books right now she read book 3 in one day. She checked it out at the school library and by bed time last night she was done with it.

I called the school today and spoke to the Media teacher about this. She pulled Brianna up in the computer and she informed me that Brianna is currently the HIGHEST student in the school for AR points and that she currently has 248 with the closet kid being at 208. I began to tell her of my concern of her reading all the time and she told me that Brianna has stuck out since 3rd grade and is definitely a HONORS child. This makes me very proud! But I fear when she goes to high school and has to read the Old man in the Sea, Beowulf, Tale of Two Cities, or GOD FORBID Paradise Lost she may not do so hot because Brianna only reads what Brianna wants to read. The Media teacher then informed me that based off of Briannas test she recently had done for reading Brianna along with most of the honors kids at Appeal are reading at 12th grade levels!!! Can you believe that 12th grade?!?!?!?! Just goes to show how awesome the teachers are.

Although most people believe that reading is the best but playing video games are unhealthy here is my question..What is the difference between laying in your bed getting smarter and smarter with your nose in a book or laying in your bed playing video games for hours? Obesity can happen either way but one is stimulating your ability to learn and comprehend and the other is a mindless tool to preoccupy your time. But both are not good for your body. Grrrrrrr this is so frustrating. Its not that I want to stop her from reading I just need to find that happy medium can anyone who reads this blog give me any advice? This is really tough!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

This is the stuff.....

You know how when you are growing up..or at least my parents told me..."If you make it through your whole life with having just one "True" Friend...your lucky! Well I guess I am the lucky one because I have more than one!! But this story is of one in particular...She is my ROCK, my saving grace, my therapist, my own personal audience to my own version of comedy, and most important....she is a person that I can't live with out!

We met when I was in about 6th grade, that is about when I was allowed to "stay the night" at friends houses and I had the Bestest Friend ever Jamey! Her family was a whole family which is what I felt like I needed in my life, mom, dad, brothers (alot of them and I disliked them about as much as my own brothers), and a OLDER SISTER! I was the oldest in my family and I desperately needed that older sibling although she did not find it as amazing as I did. Jamey and I followed her EVERYWHERE.....I WANTED TO BE LIKE SARAH! SARAH SARAH SARAH SAAAAAAAAAARAH! I practically worshiped her! I was really pathetic, and she was MEAN...but I am a gluten for punishment and I kept coming back for more. Over the course of a few years and them being my surrogate family we made a TON of memories. Here is a list of some of those memories...

1. Sarah during a ice fight decided to hit my hand to knock my cup back....It hit me in the mouth and she CHIPPED MY TOOTH!

2. The half shaved head was in style, Sarah shaved the back of my head! Not with a razor but with scissors.

3. Sarah ran away from home (she was legal but ran away nonetheless) came home from California with "Soleless Shoes" It was a string you tied around your foot, it was looped over a toe and decorated with beads! She told us we couldn't be kicked out of a store for no shoes...cause they were shoes...just soleless! Yes I listened and walked about a mile in my bare feet to a store cause Sarah said I could.....Yes I owwwed and ooooo'ed all the way there!

4. I always felt like I was a model at heart or a photographer from an early age...Sarah still has the picture of me that I had my brother take of me trying to pose all sexy against a tree...I was the rip old age of 13! Sarah calls humping the tree picture! I think she is holding it for ransom or for a random laugh at my expense....

5. Sarah when I decided I wanted to learn how to dance....she taught me...on the pole of her bunk bed...Good friend huh! She was setting me up for a life of trauma and I earned it and deserved it because we irritate her to NO END!

Although, we had these few things I am listing and there are TONS more I grew up and so did our friendship! I had moved away to live with my dad and I kept in contact with 2 friends. Jamey was one of them and Sarah was a fall upon really. She had her son and worked and raised him, then when we reconnected she was pregnant and ready to marry and I wasn't at that point in my life but I still enjoyed going to her apartment and drinking coffee with her and chatting...weird huh? She once was mean and now was nice but for some reason there was a connection with her....THE BIG SISTER connection I always wanted and needed. I didn't get on her nerves as much as I use to but I began to appreciate her and rely on her when I was at my lowest points which I was in ALOT then. I made mistakes that she warned me about and like a good friend said "I TOLD YOU SO" :)

Well over the last 14 years we have gone from being ME: The annoying best friend of her already annoying little sister. SARAH: The Big sister who would do anything to avoid the annoying best friend of the already annoying little sister TO: SOUL SISTERS! Sarah knows me better than I know myself, she calls me on my bullshit, praises me on accomplishments, backs me up when i needed but will knock my ass to the ground like a raging bull when I need it to. I have told her ALL my deep DARK DIRTY secrets and guess what...SHE LOVES ME FLAWS AND ALL!

For Christmas she called and told me she had a gift for me. We have never exchanged gifts in the 21 years we have known each other but she said this one was simple. I asked her what it was and she said it was simple and cheap and it made her think of next question was Will I cry? she said...MAYBE! Great! I cry at commercials so now I was anxious...She showed up at my house with her present and a letter and directions for how to open the thing!

First I read!

Dearest Shannon,
I knew when I saw this I just had to get it for you. It reminded me of you for so many reasons. First because its unique. Its handmade and not from a mold. So while there are others out there like it this is no exact duplicate.

Its beautiful at a glance, but if you look close enough you can see it is flawed. That's right, its not perfect! But its flaws add to its beauty


I opened a wrapped up tissue paper to expose a half of a butterfly wing and as I looked up Sarah revealed the top of her chest and she was wearing the other half!

I started feeling the burn in my nose.....:) I then had to open the end of the note that read....

It has a match and although they are not identical when you put them together the are a whole. They become one, not perfect, but a perfect match!

Merry Christmas,
I love you

P.S. When you put it on, it should be the perfect length to rest on your heart.

and I cried! This was the first time I had ever had a moment like this. I realized at that moment...I was truly blessed and its the little stuff that matters the most!

Here is this perfectly imperfect gift....


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Shift, Graduation and the New Life!

In a earlier post I admitted to attended marriage counseling with my husband. He was very uneasy about people even knowing that we were in it. I think he felt like people would view us differently. I on the other hand thought it was nothing to be ashamed of. We started last March and we are about to GRADUATE out of counseling next Tuesday! I am very excited about this. Its been a LONG road and we have hit a speed bump or five but something in the last month and a half has shifted and I couldn't be happier.

The shift happened at a really odd time. We were about to leave on our cruise for a week and the stress and overwhelming feeling of to much to do was really weighing on me. We ended up having a really serious blow out! THE GLOVES WERE OFF!! I felt like we had finally hit that rock bottom and we were NEVER going to recover. I felt disrespected and upset but mostly angry at how he viewed me and the things I did to keep this family running and he belittled my "job" (not my paying one, my duty to my family one). It was really horrible! Needless to say getting on that plane and joining him and our friends for a week of no responsibility and carefreeness (I don't think that is a word but it sounds cool)was more of a chore than exciting. I cried for the days leading up to the cruise. During our discussions following the "fight" truths were revealed and the feeling poured from both of us. I couldn't get past the fact that we had been in counseling for MONTHS and we still couldn't get our shit together. I mean really MONTHS.....some of the discussions were heated and some were just sad but at least it was being put "On the table" and it was up to us to decided how it was going to play out.

While on our cruise we took alot of time to just work on "us". We did alot of talking and alot of what I think we needed all along....Time for US! I stepped out of my box and my comfort zone and so did he. We took naps in the middle of the day along with "other time" ;). The reconnection was beginning and this was EXCITING yet terribly scary!! I went snorkeling in the middle of the Caribbean sea ( I have a massive fear of sharks this was a HUGE accomplishment for me). You never know how powerful the word "Thank you" is until you hear it and know you needed to hear it. That night after snorkeling Brian walked up to me while we were preparing for our dinner in the dining room and just lightly touched my arm and said "Thank you for snorkeling with me today I know how hard it was for you and it really meant alot that you went knowing I have waited my whole life to do something like that Thank you!" This was the first in the "shift". I was taken back for a moment but looked at him and said "Your Welcome, and yes I did "jump" out of my comfort zone when I jumped off a boat into a barrier reef and swam over top barracudas!" we laughed and it was the first time we had laughed together and at each other in a very long time. Well the rest of the week went off without any problems. We had the best time with our friends and with ourselves a part of my didn't want to come back not because of where were where but "Where Brian and I were". I just knew the second we got home Vacation brain would leave and the daily life with kids and jobs brain would come back and the fighting and arguing would begin again. Well that's me always waiting for the fall out and to make sure I am right....I will cause the fallout. The petrified me! I made sure the day we were leaving to say to him...can we please continue this life once we get home I don't want things to change...he agreed.

Coming home was interesting it was the WORST week. The morning I started working I backed my car into my trash cans and I broke my tail light...and a piece of my heart broke because I was expecting the worst actually the normal reaction I would get when I messed up and that was Brian yelling at me...I called him at work and clinched my jaw after telling Brian what I had done. He calmly said...."Its okay is it broke broke or can I tape it?" I replied "You can tape it" he replied "Alright well we will have to wait till after Christmas but we can fix it" I sat dumbfounded and shocked yet relieved that he didn't yell at me! This would be the second "shift". I made sure I "Thanked him" for not yelling at me and I told him how I appreciated him staying calm about it and I laughed as I told him I thought he was going to yell at me.

Thing from here just keep getting better! Are communication level is at an all time high. We haven't had a fight or argument since before the cruise and if we do we are quick to point out what is beneficial to the relationship and what is not and the other is quick to change the tone or body language and APOLOGIZE for being out of line. APOLOGIZE I actually APOLOGIZED for being snappy! That was another "Shift"

After attending counseling last night and talking with the counselor she was shocked and amazed at how just even 2 months ago we were falling apart yet now our pieces are sliding back into the proper place and the puzzle we created is becoming a solid picture! I say it was the "shift". Either way I can honestly say that I haven't been happier than I am right now and I am excited yet still sightly guarded that my relationship from here on out will be purely.....SYNERGY! How do I plan on doing is how!

•Focus on the things I can control: my attitude, my behavior, my words, and my energy. If I want something to change in any stage of my relationship, I can make it happen by changing own traits or actions – not Brians.

•I will make sure I take what I learned and use healthier ways to express my disappointment, anger, or frustration.

•Remember how I came to fall in love! Recalling my feelings of lust, attraction, and desire I have for Brian. I will think about the traits that I was attracted to, and let those old feelings come to life again.

•Appreciate Brian and all his good qualities;I will be grateful for the life we share. Gratitude in itself can enhance our relationships. I will be thankful and apologetic. Most important...I am going to LOVE that man like its my only way to live!