Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Runaway dog, peeing in a bottle, thats how I roll!

So last night I had to get 2 of my dogs over to a Rabies Clinic. We had a schedule conflict with soccer of course so I had to do this by myself, well with help from Shay and Nic, so by myself! I put the muzzle on Roscoe cause he is a nasty little devil to strangers and put the leash on Zoe. We arrive and the line is out the door I thought it started at 5 apparently it wasnt till 6 but no big I let Shay and Nic sit in the car with Roscoe. Nic unstraps and opens the sun roof and decided to stand out of it and yell HA HA MOM LOOK AT ME! I calmly walk over and tell him if I catch him doing it again I will personally tie him to his booster seat. Zoe the barkaholic proved even more how much I hate the sound of a dog barking by being a balistic little brat! They finally start the registration process. I walk in get out my old paperwork and get the new and get in line and guess what...the vet is late. Well now I am worried about Nic, Shay and Roscoe in the car and decide to make a brave yet stupid decision that I can manage 2 kids and 2 dogs all by myself...I mean I am Supermom and all this is a piece of cake! HA!!...Wrong!

Nic and Shay come inside the building and I am holding Roscoe and my purse and Zoe's leash. I looked at Shay and said do you think you can help my by holding Zoe? She said yeah and I handed her the leash. I watched closely as Zoe kinda barked and walked in circles for a minute and I watched her bratty little eyes comptemplate her escape. The second I looked away at Nic Zoe succesfully completed her escape when I turned back around to look at her she had wrapped the leash around Shays body...As I said NO NO NO Shay get the leash from around you it happened...the flippin dog pulled her head out of the collar with the help of Shays body as tension and like a bolt of lightning she was GONE! Nic starts SCREAMING AND CRYING ZOE NO ZOE NO ZOOOOOOOOEEEE!!!!!! MOMMY ZOOOOOOEEEEEE!!! Well as Zoe bolts out the door all the dogs ahead of us in line start barking and jumping the owners are annoyed and I am just standing there with the look of REALLY??? Zoe out the door, Nic screaming behind her, and right behind Nic...Shay! So now I guess I have to go chase the dog. So as I got closer to Shay and Nic I said STOP CHASING HER! I grabbed the keys from Shay and opened the doors on the van and yelled Come on Zoe Girl Lets go for a Ride and she ran over and jumped in the van! Mission Completion! Operation save Zoe was complete! Now to calm down Nic who was still crying and upset!

I tighten up the collar on Zoe. If she wants to escape she needs to snap her head off! We come back inside to all the people who were pointing and whispering, well atleast thats what I felt like they were doing and took my place back in line. As we stood in line Nic announces really LOUD "Mommy I need to Pee" I looked around and said sorry dude you have to wait there is nowhere for you to go! He then loudly announces well there is a bottle in the car I can go pee in that! My now being labeled as the women with the runaway trouble maker dog and the mom who allows her kid to pee in a bottle! But you now the beauty of a boy is it fits in the bottle and there is no mess! So I just as loud so NO Nic you cant go pee in the bottle I told you not to drink an entire soda driving here your gonna have to hold it. Shay then announces loudly..He is his fathers son! I said no he isnt Shay what are you taling about! She relpies "Daddy pees in bottles" I looked at her like I was gonna kill her and I said NO HE DOESNT SHAY??? She said uh huh thats what Grandma said! Yup were are the crazy family! Judgements were flying past my head at rapid speeds and looks of disgust we right behind them! Now Im just like give my dog the shot so I can BOLT from this place!

Shot are done and we are out! I start driving with my anxiety flaring and I totally forget that Nic has to pee!I call my friend Sarah to share in my excitement of the evening and porr Nic. Well he is now bouncing and holding himself as I drive so I pull into Wawa...This insanity is beyond my control I have the dogs in the car and I cant go inside for fear they will escape....

I tell Nic he can pee in the bottle. He looks for the bottle as he pulls down his pants, he cant find the bottle. I say Shay stay in the car with the dogs Nic come on lets go inside he cries i cant hold it mom!!! Nic pulls up his pants and Shay jumps up from the back...FOUND THE BOTTLE....(OMG!!!! REALLY) Nic pulls back down his pants and grabs the bottle...poor guy peed so much he half way filled it. Well I thought he was done apparently he wasnt. I removed the bottle and he peed on my hand and he laughed well can you figure what happens when a little boy is peeing AND laughing yes it squirted me and my seat and the floor! Im trying to contain myself from yelling and squealed in disgust but managed to get the bottle back on his weenis! He laughed hysterically! I found it not so funny! Well Iget out of the car after this ordeal is done and I hear Shay yelling at the dogs to stop licking up Nics pee...I grad the paper towel for the wind sheild and proceed to clean off my hand (my van door is broken when I sit in the drivers seat the back door opens) I sit in the seat and the door opens and Roscoe jumps out AT WAWA in St Marys I scream ROSCOE NO! I jump out and Shay grabs Zoe and I managed to snag a back leg of Roscoe's and catch him. I get the dog back in the car and start to pump my gas...DID I MENTION SARAH was still ON THE PHONE...who was actually not breathing from laughing at all the commotion on my end. Im glad my friends find the humor in a bad situation....Once I arrived home with both kids and both dogs...I left to get a pedicure....I needed it.

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