Monday, April 11, 2011
I think this book just might change my life. While Brian and I were in marriage counseling our counselor had admitted to us that she was reading this book and was thinking about starting a group for parents who wanted to try this approach to parenting. We told her to put us on her list for the group but I am guessing it hasn't reached that level yet. Well I am not waiting because some things need to change in my house.
One persons mood can change the whole atmosphere of your entire house and the mood of everyone in it. I am GUILTY as charged of this particular bad habit. Brian will come home in a great mood and he walks into the house and I am yelling at the kids and frustrated and just nasty! It may have been because my kids had plucked a string or my daycare kids plucked all my strings and broke them. (Daycare isn't always fun and games it can be very challenging!) Well then he gets in a tuffie....Then I get even more in a tiffie and then the kids start fighting its a CHAIN REACTION! Kids learn what they live is so true. They live in hostility they grow hostile. Or think about your kids who wake up grumpy and irritated. you try to talk to them and they are rude and nasty, you get angry with them and then your mood is ruined and then I get nasty with the hubby and he gets angry....HOSTILE! grrrrrrrrr
Quoting the book "Your number one leadership roll in the family is that of a calming authority." I am suppose to achieve this by first calming my self down, and grow myself up, and change how I parent. This is going to be very difficult, but not impossible. I have prayed about this (along with me filthy mouth!) for Gods help. I'm gonna need his strength and love to guide me on this one. Parenting is NOT about children, its about parents. "Screaming" is not going to show me how to destroy my relationships butshow me how to not do it and start forming a revolutionary relationship with each of my children and my husband. Did you know that just by changing how YOU parent can change the whole dynamic of your family! Being less reactive in a anxiety situation can make for a easier transition to discipline. Example:
This morning while getting ready for work I heard a series of Thuds and bangs and then the sound of Brianna letting out this OH crap cry. I ran down the steps with my heart RACING!! I knew it involved my steps and my child but also possibly my guinea pigs because I heard the bell ringing that's on the cage. The way Brianna was crying freaked me out and heard her mummer daycare floor. As I rounded the corner in my bathrobe I found Brianna on the landing where the steps curve to go down to the daycare and she was SOBBING and trembling...I jumped down the steps and quickly hugged her "DID YOU FALL DOWN THE STEPS ARE YOU OKAY" I said to her! She was trembling obviously shaken up...HORRIBLY! She said "NO I tripped with the guinea pigs trying to take them down the steps to the daycare and I knocked over the big thing of water and it FELLLLLLLLL I busted a HOLE in the WALL and water is EVERYWHERE on the Daycare floor!!!!!" In a normal circumstance I think,actually I know I would have yelled and said probably (I'm being totally honest here) HOW COULD YOU BE SO CLUMSY NEXT TIME ASK FOR HELP!!! WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO CARRY THE CAGE DOWNSTAIRS OR BETTER YET WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT LAST NIGHT!!!!, (I'm an asshole parent trying to not be) Instead, I calmly hugged her and told her Thank God it wasn't you or the guinea pigs if you had fallen you could have broken a bone or if it was the guinea pigs it could have killed them! I am so very thankful that you are okay and this was a accident!Take a deep breath and calm down. Go get ready for school and I will clean this up but your okay and THIS IS FINE!
I felt like I needed to reassure her that it was OK. What got me was the reaction. Her trembling I think was her fear that she was gonna get "SCREAMED" at. Now I feel like a real asshole! I went upstairs to get dressed I am pretty sure my daycare parents didn't want to see me in a robe! I called Brian and then I told him how horrible I felt that Brianna had a reaction and how I think my YELLING scarred my children. I am more now than EVER trying to change this. Even after the drama of the morning the rest of the morning was good. Brianna's face of "How did mom not yell at me" stayed on her face all morning! I think I may have made her day and I think this by itself set my day in motion and I think it will be better family time if we all STOP SCREAMING!!!
I will try to post everyday this week about my progress and what I am learning! If anyone else wants in on the discussions let me know! Get the book and read along. Maybe we can offer advice to each other and help encourage each other. I'm looking forward to this new life and anxious to see how my kids turn out because of it.
Posted by Supermomof3 at 10:42 AM